A fish flop was the name for a dance move I used to do, which I see in choreography all the time now. From a neutral standing position you dive onto your hands and roll through your front body onto the floor. Done correctly it looks like a fish jumping and flopping into the water. Am I a fish? Actually I feel more like a fish out of water than in. Flip flopping on shore, gasping for air.  Ha!

So after railing at the Mascall Dancers for precious overwrought movement, today I went into the studio and let my inner trained dancer free. Out came Ballet Butoh Modern…I guess it is time to bring a video camera in and see if anything is useful for communicating to an audience. I can’t keep hiding all this stuff as if it is not relevant to my research project because it is. If I am exploring sacrifice, one of my big sacrifices has been not using my training because I, at some point, decided that it was irrelevant, not a valid  and possibly too bourgeois? As if there was no place in “the struggle” for archaic (which ballet certainly is) movement, forms, modes of communication. BUT DAMN IT, I MISS IT. And I want to be  anachronistic, because I think there is something productive in the tension between irrelevant modes of representation and the demand for expedient art. It is not as if I want to dance Swan Lake – it is not the reference to the thematic content of the specific ballets, or a personal nostalgic impulse to do pirouettes on pointe again. It has to do with exploring the  relationship between something so completely stylized and rarified – HICH CULTURE with ethical imperatives  focussed on SURVIVAL. What do high culture, sacrifice and survival have to do with each other?