There is something so seductive about being in an outdoor environment in the fall. I had an intent and then…I was seduced by the leaves, the trees, the way the video camera frames things aesthetically. A sense of narrative, telling a story, turns things into artifice, something other than the act of doing. I just wanted to walk in my pointe shoes outside. Walk on my toes, walk on a path. Walk.

The confusion comes when I try to figure out how to record my walk. Is the work the walk? Or is it the video? I still treat the camera as a documentation tool. Something that I use to prove that I am doing a process, doing a performance, doing.

I am going outside again. With my pointe shoes and I am going to try and walk without trying to tell a story. I am going to record my walk. It may be aesthetically interesting, it may be boring, it may be impossible.

Sitting beside my bed is a book on failure in performance. I haven’t read it yet and I hope that it is relevant to the things I have been thinking about. In the past year I have been thinking about embodied knowledge within my own body and the transmission of embodied knowledge from myself to someone else.  I wonder now if that is another impossible task. I bring attention to moments of embodied learning where knowledge is transferred without a story – as an act? But I am still constantly seduced by excess.